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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty26/5/2012, 9:21 pm

A few of you might already know this, but i've been writing my own story, and i got to chapter 2 but then stopped myself after reading Past Sins. Why? Because alot of my best ideas had already been used in the story alone. Killed my passion. I gave up. But now i'm gonna take a risk. I've uploaded the Prologue of my story on FIMFiction. I honestly feel like this is stupid and i should delete it asap.

I need your help.

Please read the prologue. Please tell me if i should post more of my story. If i should finish it. I know the prologue is very short, but Chapter 1 is 2500+ words and Chapter 2 while only being half done is already 2800+. I take alot of pride in my work and reach for perfection. but i'm not the best in the world at punctuation nore am i any good at spelling.

Please have a look, tell me what you think. I really cannot continue until I know that i'm not wasting my time. I can upload chapter 1 as early as this afternoon. or maybe i should do it now so there's more to read. But... Just tell me if i'm making too many horrible mistakes, if the writing style is poor. anything. Help me be better. Please.

OOH, here's a link. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/28441/1/Angelswift/Prologue
You'll need that. Also, if anyone can think of a better title then "Angelswift" let me know ASAP. Thank you


EDIT: I've added Chapter 1 anyway. There's more to read and you can help me make a choice better that way. Do i continue, or did I fail too hard?

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/28441/2

Also, if it's not too much trouble, could you leave some responses in the comments section of the story itself? If you have a FIMFiction account. it'll help boost views if people see that others comments and such. i mean, i expect less then 100 views total by the time it's FINISHED if i did, but i'm just trying to do all i can to help promote the story. know what i mean?

EDIT #2: Your Tearing me apart! I've just finished and uploaded Chapter 2. BUT THAT'S IT! Chapter 3 I havn't started yet. Yet i know what it's gonna be about and how to do it. however i've been working on this since about... whenever i made this topic. it's now coming up to 8pm. I need a break :P but again. if you like this story, please leave your comments on the FIMFiction site aswell as here. if you can, i mean. If i get enough public approval, i'll work even harder on this. I mean, i'm going to start working on this. i'm gonna do my best for all the Thumbs up's i've gotten so far.

For Callum, For Topsy, For Bumbles! and the others who liked my story!

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Topsy Kretts

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty27/5/2012, 5:50 pm

Sir Topsy approves, write faster dammit. Also, I think making more than three mistakes within 2500 words is a bit much. Proof-read a wee bit more carefully if its no trouble, seeing something spelt awkwardly kills the mood for me.

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty27/5/2012, 7:21 pm

Well it's been accepted. My Story is now officially on FIMFiction.net and is open for the world to see.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/28441/Angelswift

I pray that the communiuty there won't judge me too harshly.

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 12:13 am

Hey guess what Nevel? I'm actually still working on the cover, as of now these are the designs I am least shameful of. If you want some minor changes to it, state them now. Else, I'll continue making the cover. I would'ave loved to use textures, but my computer is a downright douchedick right now.

Anyways, 3 versions of the same thing ;D

1
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2
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3
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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 12:19 am

I'm loving this cover art, my suggestions would be to remove the 'by: Nevel' and just put 'Nevel' in the bottom right corner.
Also to remove 'cover art by: topsy' and move the devientART I.D right to the bottom left.

I also think the first colour scheme the most.

Well that's just my opinion i really like your work topsy.
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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 1:06 am

Because Nevel asked for these. Also, I will remove the 'By' and other stuff, but not now. I have to leave for a bit.

Capital A
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Large Lowercase A
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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 1:26 am

omg he has the hair i was trying to give mark but failed D;

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 1:49 am

lexiedark wrote:
omg he has the hair i was trying to give mark but failed D;

Who's Mark? doesn't matter :) Either way, i freaking love all these, but i need time to decide which i like best of the "a"'s.

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty16/6/2012, 11:03 am

Mark Frost my OC

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 2:36 am

Yeah, i like the one with the capital A the most. I've asked a few friends and they've all had mixed reactions between them. But personally, i like the capital A the most :)

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 3:31 am

Capitial :D looks more formla

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 4:11 am

Well, if you say so. Is this good?

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Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 4:13 am

Nice :) is there anyway to stop the title going blurry tho? infact, i think it looked better without the blur

also, the Nevel is a bit to far in the corner, should move it up and left a little bit. and should probably keep the "by:" part.

Edit #4 to this 1 post. Not being annoying with all these changes, am i?

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 4:38 am

Eh, it's not problem honestly. I don't really have much to do these days anyways, and it's only a few changes here and there.

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 5:06 am

Gah. I feel like Nevel Demandy pants. You've done everything i asked and i love you for it. but now i notice the the glow behind the shield looks lower than where it was originally, making Lance and Cherry glow a little to much. anyway to make it so that it makes it look like it's just glowing behind the shield instead of them? If not don't worry, but that would be the last adjustment.

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 5:30 am

Uhhh...

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 8:43 am

hmm, that didn't seem to help much at all. let's travel back in time for a moment. The one here
Spoiler:
 
was perfect, picture wise. It seems a lot less foggy. if you know what i mean? Is it possible to go back to that, and then just move the words? If that is too late to do, then don't worry about it, we'll just use this pic as it is because it looks amazing. it was just the words felt like it was crowding the picture. But like i said, don't worry if you can't. you've already gone above and beyond the call. and given me a fantastic beautiful piece of work that i can't even begin to thank you for :)

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 7:13 pm

I can't really get back to the previous one, since there is only one black version of it existing. So, uhhh............................................

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty17/6/2012, 10:38 pm

Topsy. That my man is absolutely Perfect! I love it, Brilliant, Excellent. Don't change a thing. Finished. Done. Complete. You are the man! Thank you. Thank you soooooo much :) I owe you one. You're amazing! Brilliant. Outstanding.

"Crawl out of his butt Nevel"

Sorry. But... https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=aiXyUGL2gc0 ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlSlzRElAUc

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Nevel

Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty29/6/2012, 10:59 pm

Rejected from Equestria Daily.

You'd think that would destroy my self confidence.
Make me think i'm wasting my time.
That i should give up.

and you'd be right to think that. I can't write. Just because i can write better then some other people doesn't mean i'm a good writer. however... i KNOW my story is good. I've always known i've got a gift for telling stories, but it's my WRITING that is a critical failure. Here's a list of that EQD didn't like about my story.

---------

a quick skim of your prologue alone reveals issues in the following areas:

Capitalization (I fixed it all before i sent it. What are they talking about?)

Compound word hyphenation (I don't even know what that means)

Sentence fragments (What? Sentences are too small? should i make them longer by adding useless information?)

Quotation mark use (just fixed that part, but it still could be wrong)

Possessive noun use (What? Where?)

Tense confusion (Gah! Stop making up words!)

Comma use (I'm not allowed comma's?)

Dialogue punctuation (Fixed that aswell!)

Word misuse and awkward phrasing (It is you who is an awkward pharsing! ...I don't even)

---------

So what am i doing wrong here? I need serious help. Evenmotion tried giving me a few tips, but *points up* All those problems and i don't see them. I'm just gonna quit after i finish this story. I'm going to give you all be absolute best, but i'm not a professional writer. I'm a story teller and i'm going to give you all the absolultly best story i can! Regardless of the fact i never went to college and earned a B A in english!

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty29/6/2012, 11:31 pm

Nevel wrote:
Rejected from Equestria Daily.

You'd think that would destroy my self confidence.
Make me think i'm wasting my time.
That i should give up.

and you'd be right to think that. I can't write. Just because i can write better then some other people doesn't mean i'm a good writer. however... i KNOW my story is good. I've always known i've got a gift for telling stories, but it's my WRITING that is a critical failure. Here's a list of that EQD didn't like about my story.

---------

a quick skim of your prologue alone reveals issues in the following areas:

Capitalization (I fixed it all before i sent it. What are they talking about?)

Compound word hyphenation (I don't even know what that means)

Sentence fragments (What? Sentences are too small? should i make them longer by adding useless information?)

Quotation mark use (just fixed that part, but it still could be wrong)

Possessive noun use (What? Where?)

Tense confusion (Gah! Stop making up words!)

Comma use (I'm not allowed comma's?)

Dialogue punctuation (Fixed that aswell!)

Word misuse and awkward phrasing (It is you who is an awkward pharsing! ...I don't even)

---------

So what am i doing wrong here? I need serious help. Evenmotion tried giving me a few tips, but *points up* All those problems and i don't see them. I'm just gonna quit after i finish this story. I'm going to give you all be absolute best, but i'm not a professional writer. I'm a story teller and i'm going to give you all the absolultly best story i can! Regardless of the fact i never went to college and earned a B A in english!

Well, if they had no complaints about the plot or the story or anything, then cheer up. Grammar is exponentially easier to fix than a faulty story.

Quote :
Compound word hyphenation (I don't even know what that means)

I hate compound words. So much.

Basically what this means is that you might be either errenous or inconsistant in putting dashes between words when you should. But people disagree on which words should be hyphenated, which should be separate words, and which should be one big word. Essentially, I think they're saying that they have trouble reading things like "trouble maker" when they prefer "trouble-maker". Honestly, I don't think this is a very good reason, but they're just pointing that out while they're at it.

Quote :
Sentence fragments (What? Sentences are too small? should i make them longer by adding useless information?)

Typically what this means is that you're breaking up into several sentences what could be conveyed just as well in one or two. I have problems with this, too, but I'll see to what degree you use this when I read your story.

Quote :
Tense confusion (Gah! Stop making up words!)

Not sure if you;re being sarcastic here, but just in case, this means that you might, say, put an "is" where you should put a "was". Here's an example of tense confusion:

"Sweetie Belle stagnated in her seat as Cheerilee spouted the rules of tense. This is so boring, she thinks as she sunk further into her seat. When will I use this in life?

If you couldn't tell, "thinks" here should be "thought". There are a few different tenses one can write in, and people don't really mind which one you write in, as long as you keep it that way, without inconsistancy.

I must confess definitively that I haven't read your story, as much I tell myself I will and then never do. :P

Maybe I'll look into it and point out some examples of these for you to fix, but I'm caught up in so much stuff at the moment, maybe you should see if someone else is interested.

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Last edited by Flutterdude on 30/6/2012, 5:11 am; edited 1 time in total
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Topsy Kretts

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty30/6/2012, 12:34 am

I bet it was the Pre-readers' time of the month when they skimmed your story. /badumtshhh

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Nevel

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty30/6/2012, 1:15 am

Flutterdude wrote:


Well, if they had no complaints about the plot or the story or anything, then cheer up. Grammar is exponentially easier to fix than a faulty story.

Quote :
Compound word hyphenation (I don't even know what that means)

I hate compound words. So much.

Basically what this means is that you might be either errenous or inconsistant in putting dashes between words when you should. But people disagree on which words should be hyphenated, which should be separate words, and which should be one big word. Essentially, I think they're saying that they have trouble reading things like "trouble maker" when they prefer "trouble-maker". Honestly, I don't think this is a very good reason, but they're just pointing that out while they're at it.

Quote :
Sentence fragments (What? Sentences are too small? should i make them longer by adding useless information?)

Typically what this means is that you're breaking up into several sentences what could be conveyed just as well in one or two. I have problems with this, too, but I'll see to what degree you use this when I read your story.

Quote :
Tense confusion (Gah! Stop making up words!)

Not sure if you;re being sarcastic here, but just in case, this means that you might, say, put an "is" where you should put a "was". Here's an example of tense confusion:

"Sweetie Belle stagnated in her seat as Cheerilee spouted the rules of tense. This is so boring, she thinks as she sunk further into her seat. When will I use this in life?

If you couldn't tell, "thinks" here should be "thinked". There are a few different tenses one can write in, and people don't really mind which one you write in, as long as you keep it that way, without inconsistancy.

I must confess definitively that I haven't read your story, as much I tell myself I will and then never do. :P

Maybe I'll look into it and point out some examples of these for you to fix, but I'm caught up in so much stuff at the moment, maybe you should see if someone else is interested.


Sentence Fragments: Yeah, i guess i see those but i was taught to add a , when you change the tone of your voice when reading it aloud and not stopping the sentance.

Tense: Okay, i understand that and i've always been diligent about watching out for it. I don't see any in my story.


I really wanna agree with Topsy on this one. Felt like he was way too short and quick to judge. maybe i'm wrong. but i just can't think how to make the sentances longer without adding usless garbage to the story. who cares if "The sun shines though the clouds as Lance stands up after picking up the watering can."

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty30/6/2012, 4:18 am

Flutterdude wrote:

"Sweetie Belle stagnated in her seat as Cheerilee spouted the rules of tense. This is so boring, she thinks as she sunk further into her seat. When will I use this in life?

If you couldn't tell, "thinks" here should be "thinked".

Thought. Not thinked. It is misspelled there ^ anyways. Sorry, but I had to say that. Or Thunk.
Definition of THUNK : dialect past and past participle of think (found on Merriam-Webster.com/dictionary/thunk. Well I googled it and that is what came up.)
But yeah, Flutterdude has the right idea of what ED meant when rejecting the story.

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PostSubject: Re: Nevel's Novel   Nevel's Novel Empty30/6/2012, 5:10 am

PinkiePieRocks! wrote:
Flutterdude wrote:

"Sweetie Belle stagnated in her seat as Cheerilee spouted the rules of tense. This is so boring, she thinks as she sunk further into her seat. When will I use this in life?

If you couldn't tell, "thinks" here should be "thinked".

Thought. Not thinked. It is misspelled there ^ anyways. Sorry, but I had to say that. Or Thunk.
Definition of THUNK : dialect past and past participle of think (found on Merriam-Webster.com/dictionary/thunk. Well I googled it and that is what came up.)
But yeah, Flutterdude has the right idea of what ED meant when rejecting the story.

What are you talking about? I said "thought" the whole time. :I

(this is our little secret now)

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