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 My Little Human: Friendship is Normal

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plumander

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PostSubject: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 8:29 am

Woot! My fanfic is up, at least the first chapter is. It's only 1500 words, so go read, and... eeyup.
Make sure to read the description.
Channel your inner Twilight Sparkle and read!
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Topsy Kretts

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 8:39 am

YES. JUST YES.

Sorry Flutterdude, finishing off Chapter one of your fic will just have to wait :P

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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 8:40 am

Huzzah! The readers have been doubled!
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Flutterdude

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 8:45 am

Topsy Kretts wrote:
YES. JUST YES.

Sorry Flutterdude, finishing off Chapter one of your fic will just have to wait :P

So that's why I haven't gotten a response yet.

Pluplu! You're haltin' me publication process! :x

(I kid, s'all good. My story isn't gonna be published until I get some other stuff in order.)

I think I might look into this. Seems like it would satisfy my deadpan sense of humor nicely. But in the words of the medic from Team Fortress 2, later.
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Topsy Kretts

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 9:15 am

Awww, ended so soon? I'm saddened, it's rather refreshing for me to read a quick moving fic, I don't usually read those kinds. I could totally use more of this.

But anyway, criticism! It's 6:10 of the AM right now. So I can't say much other than OHMAHGAWD EVIL LUNA AHHHHHHHHHH appearing resulted in a bit of an under-reaction than what I expected, so that part doesn't really sit well with me.

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Last edited by Topsy Kretts on 23/3/2012, 9:16 am; edited 1 time in total
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Flutterdude

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 9:16 am

Welp, didn't take me too long to read.

I was right, it fit my sense of humor nicely. If I had to critisize, it would be pacing. This chapter seemed a tad rushed in introducing all the various humanized ponies.

And to be nitpicky, I think a better name for Addie would be AJ. Just Saiyan.
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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 9:24 am

Oh Celestia why didn't I think of AJ?

Topsy: At that point I think I was eager to get the chapter over.

Flutterdude: If you disliked the pacing in this one, you'll absolutely hate the second one, ahaha. Anyways, I kinda felt like it was a little quick too, but I didn't really want to draw it out too long.

In conclusion: Chapter 1 was sucky and fast because I didn't want to write it, because I'd rather write about one of the 'everyday pony life' episodes.

Chapter 2 will be posted soon, just gotta make some edits for grammar and the like. 3 is almost finished as well, so I'm guessing that will be out later tonight or tomorrow morning.
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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 9:40 am

Sorry to double post, but chapter 2 is up!
Yay!
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Flutterdude

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 10:10 am

Totally understand the issues with pacing. It's not like you're trying to write the next Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or something, so it's forgivable.

After reading the next chapter, again, I simply must point out the pacing. Please excuse my bluntness and I apologize if my manner is harsh, but I wasn't given a whole lot of time to register what was happening to Twila and company. They came across the dude in the boat, then Rosemary did her thing. Then they came across "a bridge", with not much description other than it being a bridge that was skewed to the side.

One way to help on this is to just take some time to beef up the descriptions. Yes, it's essentially filler, but it gives readers a longer time to change the setting they're imagining in their heads.

Quote :
On the other side, Dash was approached by some shadowy people in dark clothes and dark voices.

^ More stuff like that, you know? Instead of just "people in dark clothes", you do that. I have no problems with this sentence.

But anyway, that's the main problem I have with this series. The premise is awesome, and I'd love to see this series flaunt its core concept to the max. It has oodles of potential, just work on the pacing and visualization. :)

(and maybe I could be a pre-reader hint hint nudge nudge wink wink)

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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 10:23 am

I admit I was chosen for this project for things like that, and I've been rather lacking. Most of the time I write at 2 in the morning or something, so that's probably why this has been crappier that my usual work. The visualizations on the next chapter are (hopefully) better, but the pacing seems to be just as awful retrospectively. I'm not going to need a pre-reader just yet, though when I'm ready to submit the fic to the person who asked for it, you are welcome to have the part, just not yet.
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Flutterdude

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 10:24 am

M'kay. I don't have a deviantART account, just to let you know first of all. Not sure if that's going to be a hinderance.

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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 10:54 am

CHAPTER 3 I'M SO TALENTED
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 11:02 am

GAAAAH WITH THE UPDATES

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, dude.

...

Meh, I've nothing better to do.

*clicks link*

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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 11:22 am

Fuck yeah, I hope this chapter is better. I tried to include your suggestions about pacing and stuff, but I think it still feels a bit rushed. Especially with Flo and Angel in Twila's room. As for the updates, don't worry, I haven't even started chp. 4 yet!
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 11:44 am

plumander wrote:
Fuck yeah, I hope this chapter is better. I tried to include your suggestions about pacing and stuff, but I think it still feels a bit rushed. Especially with Flo and Angel in Twila's room. As for the updates, don't worry, I haven't even started chp. 4 yet!

Oh, yes, this is a drastic improvement over the past few chapters. This should hopefully turn out to be a fun thing for bronies to read and see how their favorite episodes are humanized and normalized, such as myself. I really do get a kick out of that (for example, I love how the Wonderbolts are a track team and Florence just babysits a lot and likes animals). But if there was one thing to point out, it would be how the whole series itself is arranged. It seems the story so far is put together as one big post-modernist collection of stories, but I personally think it would be more coherent as a series of short stories. Just a nitpicky suggestion, really. There's nothing wrong with post-modernism.

I look forward to later chapters and adaptions of different episodes. :)
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plumander

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Human: Friendship is Normal   23/3/2012, 11:47 am

I think I meant it for it to be post-modernist, because that's how the early episodes basically were. There's not much continuity or flow in those, and I'm trying to be as close to the series as posible. Thanks so much though.
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